God bless mothers who drugged us.
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Posted:Nov 27, 2007 8:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2008 8:05 pm
1749 Views
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The other day someone at a store in our town read that a methadone lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question. "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"
I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered an unacceptable word.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds and cockeburs out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins: and the affect my behavior in everything I do, say and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heropin, and if today's had this kind of drug problem. America would be a better place.
Now I can say those where the good ole days.
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church gossip
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Posted:Nov 12, 2007 8:22 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2007 8:23 am
1568 Views
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Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry , a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house. . . walked home . . . and left it there all night.
You gotta love people like Henry.
Hope your day is absolutely , blessedly wonderful!
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What I want in a man.
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Posted:Nov 2, 2007 8:25 am
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2007 8:28 am
1557 Views
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At age 21
1. handsome 2. charming 3. financially successful 4. a caring listener 5. witty 6. in good shape 7. dresses with style 8. appreciates finer things 9. full of thoughtful surprises 10. an imaginative, romantic lover
At age 32 (revised list)
1. nice looking 2. opens car doors, holds chairs 3. has enough money for a nice dinner 4. listens more than talks 5. laughs at my jokes 6. carries bags of groceries with ease 7. owns at least one tie 8. appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. remembers birthdays and anniveries 10.seeks romance at least once a weekk
At age 52 (revised list)
1. not to ugly 2. doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. nods head when I'm talking 5. usually remembers punch lines of a joke 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. shaves most weekends
At age 62 (revised list)
1. keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. doesn't borrow money too often 4. doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm venting 5. doesn't retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. appreciates a good tv dinner 9. remembers your name on occasion 10. shaves some weekends
At age 72 (revised yet again)
1. does't scare small 2. remembers where the bathroom is 3. doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. only snores lightly when asleep 5. remembers why he's lauphing 6. is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. usually wears some clothes 8. likes soft foods 9. remembers where he left his teeth 10. remembers that it's the weekend
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Second opinion
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Posted:Oct 19, 2007 8:45 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2008 6:31 am
1595 Views
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Husband 'he is a doctor' and his wife were having an fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either." and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and secides to make amends and rins her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband asked " What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says " I was in bed"
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
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a punch would hurt no more
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Posted:Oct 14, 2007 5:13 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 10:24 pm
1507 Views
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husband n wife were having a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary.
the husband yells "when you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads, 'hear lies my wife... cold as ever."
she replies "yeah n when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'here lies my husband....stiff at last"
He asked for it
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Macho man
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Posted:Oct 12, 2007 8:11 pm
Last Updated:Jul 2, 2008 6:31 am
1688 Views
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Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding he laid down the following rules:
I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want... and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?
His new bride said:
No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night....whether you're here or not.
Darn she's good!
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Joe got home late one night
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Posted:Oct 4, 2007 3:55 pm
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2007 7:04 pm
1788 Views
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His wife, Jackie says "where on earth have u been?"
Joe replies "I was getting a tattoo."[/COLOR
]"A tattoo" she frowned" What kind of tattoo did u get."
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my cock!" he said proudly.
"What were u thinking, why would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill on his privates?"
"Well 1) I like to watch my money grow.
2) once in awhile I like to play with my money.
3) I like how it feels in my hand.
4) most of all, now instead of going out shopping, u can stay at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime u want."
Joe is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
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Don't lauph at this one it has to be true.
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Posted:Sep 15, 2007 2:38 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 10:24 pm
1443 Views
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An old man was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Kathy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, My private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, Please accept my condolences."
The following day he was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out his pajamas. when he met Nurse Kathy.
She said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that, Please put your private part back inside your pajamas."
"But, Nurse Kathy" he replied " I told you yesterday that my private part died."
"Yes you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"
"Well today's the viewing."
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Really
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Posted:Sep 11, 2007 5:36 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 10:24 pm
1316 Views
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says " I am going to make u the happiest woman in the world!"The woman replies, "I'll miss u"
even better
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do u think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married u for your money" she replied.
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The Why's of Men
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Posted:Sep 7, 2007 6:17 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2007 8:24 pm
1418 Views
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1. Why do men become smarter during sex?
Because they are plugged into a genius.
2. Why don't women blink during sex?
They don't have enouph time.
3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop to ask directions.
4. Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock
your lauphing aren't u!! ? 5. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
6. Why did God make men before women?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.
Remember if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart... Then you are just an old fart!
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To link to this blog (wishlist3) use [blog wishlist3] in your messages.
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