IRISH COFFEE
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Posted:Jul 15, 2009 6:26 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2009 6:46 pm
3065 Views
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An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.
'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'
'Feckin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'
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Cumming
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Posted:Jul 14, 2009 8:14 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2010 3:26 am
3092 Views
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A construction working is working on the 3rd floor of a building under construction. He turns to grab the saw and notices it’s gone. After searching a while he notices the saw on the first floor on a table. There is another worker close by on the 1st floor standing around.
The man on the 3rd floor yells "Hey can you bring me the saw?!"
The man on the 1st floor places his hand by his head to listen closer.
The man on the 3rd yells "The saw!"
The man on the first floor shakes his head.
The man on the 3rd floor starts to signal "I need" and he points at his knee. "The hand saw" and he moves his arm back in forth in a sawing motion.
The man on the 1st floor quickly wips down his pants and begins masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor is shocked! He runs all the way down the stairs to the first floor. "What the hell are you doing?! I said I need the hand saw!"
"I know I was just trying to tell you I’m cumming."
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SOOO COLD OUTSIDE...BRRRRRRR!!!
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Posted:Jan 12, 2009 7:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2009 11:11 am
3064 Views
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So what would you do to keep us warm if we were stranded in a cabin in the middle of nowhere? How would we survive until help arived a few days later? Tell me what survival skills you have and what you would do? Please don't let us die..LOL
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40 Ways Men Fail In Bed
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Posted:Jan 10, 2009 7:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2009 7:41 pm
2579 Views
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So ladies tell me if this is true or false. How many of these have happened to you and how often with your lovers, past and present? Would love to know the truth.
1. NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3. NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4. SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5. BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.
6. TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7. IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8. GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9. LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10. ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11. STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12. UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a 's toy.
13. GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14. BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA. Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15. MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16. UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17. TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18. GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool -she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19. GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20. COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21. NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22. ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23. PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24. NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25. NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26. MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27. TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28. MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29. ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30. TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31. NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32. SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33. ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34. LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35. GIVING LOVE BITES. It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36. BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37. TALKING DIRTY. It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38. NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39. SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40. THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
So what is the verdict..leave a message pleaseeeeeeee.
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Pretty Funny...ENJOY!
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 12:15 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 12:3 pm
1393 Views
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The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight , "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution.
Next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight ". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
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Wishes For The New Year
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 6:13 am
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2009 11:21 am
1422 Views
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So I was wondering what kinds of wishes everyone has for 2009? What are your hopes, dreams and desires for the new year? Is it something financial, health, love or maybe you have some SEX desires you want fulfilled. After all..this is Affair Link! Feel free to share your thoughts with me and maybe they will come true. Thanks for stopping by!
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
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Posted:Dec 26, 2008 3:46 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2009 2:14 pm
1541 Views
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I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!! Anyone get any exciting gifts? I am in the giving mood...any takers? LOL
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Out and About
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Posted:Oct 25, 2008 7:22 pm
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2009 2:44 pm
2063 Views
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Just wanted to drop a quick post and say hi to everyone still looking at my blog. I haven't been around nearly as much lately. I hope all my friends have been doing well. Feel free to drop me a note anytime..I miss you all.
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Hurricane Gustav
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Posted:Sep 1, 2008 6:24 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2009 3:45 am
1570 Views
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Just wanted to wish all my friends on the gulf coast a safe next few days. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Please be careful.
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Lost list of blogs :(
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Posted:Aug 28, 2008 6:27 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2009 3:45 am
2021 Views
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So if you turn your profile off it deletes all of your "watched blogs" that you have saved! That really sucks! I am trying to get back all my friends blog links so that I can "watch" them again. So comment here to make it easier on me pleaseeeee. You all know who you are too...If I was watching you..cum to me. lol Great to be back to see everyone too...I missed you.happyf;
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Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
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Posted:Jul 30, 2008 5:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 24, 2008 11:37 am
1701 Views
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Really like this song..have you heard it?
Chasing Cars
We'll do it all, everything, on our own We don't need anything or anyone
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world
I don't quite know how to say how I feel Those three words are said too much They're not enough
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time Chasing cars Around our heads I need your grace to remind me to find my own
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes They're all I can see I don't know where Confused about how as well I just know that these things Will never change for us at all
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world
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Honeymoon
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Posted:Jul 20, 2008 8:11 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2008 4:00 am
2178 Views
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A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s not a big deal in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “Now what are you doing?” she asks.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole.”
Thanks to [blog flimflam1966] for sharing this joke.
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To link to this blog (naughtyboy4fun69) use [blog naughtyboy4fun69] in your messages.
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