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My Road To Discovering My Own Submission
My Road To Discovering My Own Submission Many years ago I had to go away for a month. It was an unplanned event and I had just gotten married only a very short time before. I was concerned with the fact that my new wife was going to have to be celibate for that entire time. So before I left I told her that if she needed sex while I was gone that I'd be ok with her sleeping with my friends. Looking back now I truly don't understand where I was coming from when I made this comment? Why would I be ok with giving my new wife permission to fuck my friends? Was I purely coming from the standpoint that she was a young, horny women and my going away was not any of her fault, so why should she be denied her pleasure? Was it the fact that I was feeling guilty about my going away? I truly don't know. But I do think this was the beginning of my path. Upon my returning the first thing I asked her was, " did you get laid while I was gone?" She did answer me with a "yes" but that was the end of it. I prodded her for answers and got none over the course of time. Well it's a small town and of course all the different guys that she had slept with eventually got pointed out by our friends. I, at the time seemed ok with it, it was me that told her to see my friends! Looking back I so wished that I was one of those guys that paid attention to feelings as I really can't answer the question, "so,how do you feel about this?" Over the next 15 years she continued to fuck other men. Most of the time trying to keep the fact hidden from me but I would always find out one way or another. She absolutely refused to talk about these relationships. Fact is, she refused to talk about them to even her best friends. I began to fantasize about these guys fucking my wife and wanted nothing more than to hear about what happened. I stopped trying to convince her to talk long ago and started to enjoy being the detective. I would check her panties,follow her around,installed a tape machine to listen to her phone calls,but even when I would catch her red handed she would lie to my face that nothing happened! I believe the term for me at this point was that I was "cuckolded" Well of course I couldn't live like this forever and we divorced as the tension was out of this world!! To bad the internet wasn't around back in those days or I would have had the chance to understand my feelings. Moving on to chapter 2 of my life. A few months later after my ex had moved out I met my current wife and fell head over heels in love again! My new girlfriend was 13 yrs younger and seemed to have what I was needing, communication! We spent many hours just talking. The sex was awesome! We just seemed to click. But alas, she was needing a commitment and I just wasn't ready yet as I was so afraid of making a mistake again. I think that this is a normal reaction for most men who have divorced! We weren't living together at the time when I discovered that she was fucking around too! I was heart broken...down right devastated and broke it off. My feelings at the time where like, "what the fuck is wrong with me that I choose these women that stomp all over me?" Well we eventually worked it out and we did get back together. But she was wanting that commitment that I couldn't give and she eventually moved away from the area. We kept in touch while she was away and you know the saying that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"? Well it certainly held true for me! I couldn't live with out her. I had to have her with me and I called and begged her to forgive me. I asked her to come back home and move in with me and that I wanted to marry her. We had been apart for a month or so. What do you think was that undieing question that needed to be answered rumbling around in my mind? I of course wanted to know who she fucked while she was away! I didn't only want to know who but I wanted the details! To this day, while making love I so enjoy it when she whispers in my ear details from one of those adventures! So here I am, again, playing the part of the cuckold but not "feeling" the submissiveness yet. I was certainly aware of the fact that I was turned on by the fact that I wanted to watch her take another man's cock though!! This is a very difficult subject to bring up to the women you love, so, for sometime the subject laid dormant. Fast forward to a party we where attending. My sweetheart was having a wonderful time flirting around (something that I soooo enjoy watching) when she came over to me and asked what I thought about swapping partners with this other couple that was also at the party. WELL!! What red blooded guy would turn that offer down? So off we went to the<b> play room. </font></b>While making out with my partner I happened to be turned towards my sweety and could plainly see what they where doing. They where going at it hot and heavy already fucking each other! When my sweetheart caught my eye she exclaimed, "what the hell are you doing,fuck her!" It was at this point in my life that I found out that I don't care if I ever fuck another women!! I was soooo turned on watching this youngster pound the hell out of my sweetheart's pussy. The other women and myself did "get busy" and I purposely put my partner in the doggy position so I could keep an eye on what was going on across the room! Thinking back to this day I'm sure that my sweetheart's lover knew and enjoyed the fact I was watching because he picked her up and brought her closer to where I was. He turned her doggystyle with her ass facing me and mounted her from above so that I had a clear view of his cock as it rammed itself home! Here again...I was being cuckolded and did start to feel some of the submission as I wanted nothing more than to go over and fluff this youngster's cock and get him ready for round number 2!! This I believe to be the beginning of my awareness to the fact that all I'll ever want is for my wife to be happy and that I would do/serve her in any way I could to make it so! We do get married and the years pass and I'm still not living the submissive life I desire...at this point I'm not even sure how to get it!! One day I make a terrible mistake and I don't know how to rectify it. I'm feeling very guilty about what I've done and I go to see my wife to tell her I'm sorry and to somehow make it right. Isn't it odd that the thought, "make it right" would include a wooden paddle? I told her that I thought I messed up so badly that I deserved a spanking. Well she was having a difficult time dealing with this idea because she was feeling as if this could be termed abusive. I simply responded with, "so what I did wasn't abusive?" She did spank me that day and many more times to come. NOW...I was feeling very submissive and it was at this point that I knew my place! I so wanted for her to take control,to be the boss! To spank me just...because! I realized at this point that all I want out of life is for my wife to take control!! At this time I understood why I had chosen her to be my life mate. People thought of her as the "bossy, bitchy type". In the back of my mind I knew she was too,but it didn't matter. I felt right at home! This was what I was yearning for! Like my first wife, my second, also keeps secrets about different relationships she has had while we have been together. I don't begin to understand why women do this and probably never will but keeping that mystery alive just adds to my "cuckold" life. I have found my place! Of course like any other man of submissive nature we only desire for our wive's happiness. We want them to have everything they desire. We want them to take on other lovers and enjoy themselves to life's fullest. If it makes them happy to watch their man suck another man...so be it! If it means leaving him home to clean the house while she goes out and plays...so be it! If it means serving her and her lover while they are in bed...so be it! So, in closing, all I can say is that this trip has encountered many years and many tears! It was a wild time getting here...I HAVE FINALLY FOUND MY PLACE!! |
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