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Blogs > Whovonovich > On the Edge of Forever |
Becoming
Becoming "Most people are on the world, not in it-- having no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them-- undiffused seporate, and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but seporate. " --John Muir In many ways I seem to be losing my ability to communicate... or perhaps I never really possessed it and only deluded myself into believing that I was, indeed, a well read wanker of words *sighs* I dunno... As easy as it would be to say "She did it" or "Corrupt and incompetent legal system is to blame", bottom line is, it was a poorly written email on my part that ultimately landed me in one of the worst jails in this nation for two years of my life. The other day there was a lull at work, and during the lull I told my partner that I was feeling a bit maudlin. This communicated clearly to Me... but my partner had never heard the word maudlin before, so he asked me to define it. To my great surprise and dismay, I couldn't. It was like trying to describe a color that is not in the crayola box... It's easy to say what it's Not: it's not light blue, or dark blue, or turquoise blue, or baby blue, or blue bird blue, or robins egg blue, or icy blue, or<b> spicy </font></b>blue, or... but say what it IS, now,,, that's the secret. Words are already abstract enough as it is without adding the confusion of "this is like that", ya know? Follow that road and before you know it, apples are oranges, war is peace, and freedom is slavery *sighs* Gig is, I looked up the definition of maudlin when I got home and emailed it to him ('cause I knew he wouldn't look it up) and whereas the word "maudlin" was, indeed, one hundred percent the right word for me to use in that moment... the definition of said word lacked. It's like... the definition for the word "apple" lacks the concept of "worm", (or, as we all know, "half a worm") and completely fails to take into consideration the Gravity of the word (ha ha)... Another incident happened last night when a different coworker commented on how certain chaotic, "subject to change" stresses at work don't seem to phase me in a negative way... he asked why this was, and I replied: "Be like water." He (and others present) interpreted that to mean "go with the flow" or "off a ducks back" which shocked me as that was NOT what I meant at all. Not even close. Not even Remotely close. "Be like water" is a Bruce Lee quote, and it doesn't mean "take the path of least resistance" for, whereas water does indeed flow, it can also CRASH! right through any obstacle in its path. No, "Be like water" is not about passivity, but rather Becoming. If you pour water into a teapot, it Becomes the teapot, if you pour it into a cup, it Becomes the cup. When I am poured into an environment, I Become a part of that environment, not at odds with it... not separate from it... in it, not on it, as it were.... Sure, I'm not always successful... It took years to get into NYC, and I Never got into New Orleans, still, more often than not, I tend to accept the process of becoming rather than holding onto the expectations of "what should be"... because reality and life aren't static... but it's not easy to Let Go *sighs* still, I'm trying... thus, I write... even though it scares the fuck outta me *laughs* oh well, as always it's good to be free whovonovich |
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