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Blogs > Chagger73 > Rambling Idiocy... |
Needed or needy?
Needed or needy? I tried to prevent my struggles from affecting people around me. From exposing people in my life to the emotional turmoil that I was experiencing. I tried to save them from what I was struggling against, struggling with. I realize now that it is through those struggles that the opportunity for a deeper level of bonding can be found. Not dependancy that would come from saving one another or from being saved but bonding. The difference is that bonding is a choice. Rather, bonding is the result of a choice to allow others to see our vulnerability and trust that we will be accepted. I have been craving the bond and have wasted efforts creating dependancy. I think I felt that if there was a dependancy then It was more likely that my friend/partner/other person would stay because they 'needed' me. Writing this now makes me feel very foolish. Foolish for not seeing how I was engaging in a form of emotional high jacking. I don't want to do that ever again. I want to feel needed. But not because I have created false boundaries. I want to feel needed because I meet a need on a deep emotional level and not a shallow imposed level. Is it just me? Does anyone else go through these mental and emotional struggles? |
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Hmmmm..... Nope. it's just you. --Author Unknown
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Hmmmm..... Nope. it's just you. Awesome...just f'ing awesome!
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I hope I have but honestly I'm a little afraid to venture into the next one. No rush, though I suppose... as long as I ignore my desire for sex, companionship, and an emotional connection!
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This is exactly why I hesitate to form an emotional bond. I want the lasting bond, frankly, because I'm not sure I can handle another "failure". (I'm aware that judging a failed relationship a "failure" opens up a whole 'nother conversation!)
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I like your approach. In person I try to do the same. I write to capture the deeper emotion that I feel but try to put a happy face on the rest of my life. Maybe I'll bug you for tips on how you stay balanced...
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Lmao!!! Awesome...just f'ing awesome! I really like your statement: "Rather, bonding is the result of a choice to allow others to see our vulnerability and trust that we will be accepted." This is so true. And I think there's a reason why we're not good at it... first, we're not expected to be vulnerable, second, we've been treated as unacceptable in our naturally vulnerable moments, so then, we build walls to protect ourselves from further embarrassment/pain/humiliation. Growing up, I was always the impression i got was that boys/men are not very capable of emotional bonding (because of the way they were spoken about...). They're all Spock, to various degrees. However, this was contrary to what I experienced. But, I'll bet, Even Spock can bond on an emotional level!!! In fact, i'm going to go as far as to say that he can form the deepest bonds because the more sensitive a person is, the more they need to protect it. I am not capable of emotional bonding - especially with other women. My mother was constantly telling me how insensitive and feelingless i was, and she'd say so with a tone & look of disgust and exasperation. Needless to say, that didn't cause me to be more emotionally vulnerable. I'm glad she didn't take the time to find out what the problem was though, because it freaks me out to think of having an emotional bond with my mother! But... i think things are changing now, and little boys that need to cry are given freedom and the safety to cry. That'll help them trust, and bond, later on too. That's my bonding theory. --Author Unknown
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