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Blogs > rdx37 > Rambles; Crazy posts. |
Be Yourself, They Said
Be Yourself, They Said Just be true to who you are! Don't pretend to be what you aren't. It is too much energy to keep up the facade. Well that's what I've been doing. I can't help it if I'm a lame-ass motherfucker! A boy scout goody two shoes! A miserable of a bitch who will nitpick technicalities and argue minute details just for fun! A mediocre overachiever, an average-above-average autodidact. This venue is no good for me. A thoughtful couple a few posts below encouraged me to get out into the real world more. That's the key, innit? I realized this four years ago, too. If you go back, there's some good<b> poetry </font></b>about my break. WELL I've got a friend who is a girl that I am interested in, sort of. I mean, I find her physically attractive, and I enjoy talking with her and hanging out, we share a lot of interests and goals but... If I extrapolate, I don't know that I would marry her and want with her. I think we have a very basic ideological disagreement- but I think I could get her to come around to my view of the world. Regardless of all those details - she is going to school in OH and I am moving to TN. We'll have a couple months to hang out before I move, but I have no idea how busy she will be and how much I'll actually get to see her. I will play it by ear, as they say. We were hanging out over her winter break, and I was supposed to go to a NYE party with her- but I had a bad feeling and probably overthought the situation. I didn't go- I thought it would be the best time to maybe hook up, but like I said- I do like her, and I'm unsure, and to have that kind of intimacy without a commitment (when that's where your mind is at, anyway) would not be fair. God damned fair-mindedness. Life would be simpler to be a selfish inconsiderate asshole. So yea, I depressed myself a bit, and less than a month later I found myself back here. I texted and emailed her for a bit, but I think she got busy with school work and stopped responding. Then she texts me she's coming home and I was happily excited! We'll see how it goes. I think she likes me, but you can read, I'm conflicted, in a bad position for relationships, not to mention, stupid. |
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