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Yet Another Bored Meeting
Yet Another Bored Meeting Yep. It was time for another, Howzitgoin? You don't say... Well that just aint swell enough! , Shoot me now and end this senseless torment!, Bored Meeting. I'm at the point where I would rather run around all day trying to jump thru my own asshole than have to attend another meeting. Snacks to the rescue. Nothing like snacks to liven up a meeting. Gotta give snacks a try. What to serve? In Shell Peanuts. Tasty and fun to eat. Give us something to do with our hands besides doodle and make rude gestures under the table at one another. But that means a beverage will be mandatory. Something noncaffeinated to keep the fidgeting and belligerance down. Ginger Ale Grab the nuts and the cups and off I go to kiss some ass. Set it up. Grab my share. Take my seat. Good to go. "Hey! Peanuts! Great idea! Wish we had some beer to go with these!" Ha, ha, ha = blah, blah, blah. Commencement of the atonal droning on. Crack, crunch, crunch.... munch munch munch "These are good." crunch, munch "Snacks." munch munch "Should have thought of this sooner." crack, munch First Ingredient: In Shell Roasted Peanuts Continuance of the anal droning on. Crack, crack, crunch, crack, crunch, crunch.... munch munch munch munch munch munch I take one and pop it into my mouth, shell and all. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, MUNCH munch munch munch munch Astonished glances, "You eat the shell, too?" After a satisfying swallow of ginger ale, "Yep". Pop another into my mouth. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, MUNCH, munch munch More astonished glances, "That can't be good for you." "You aren't supposed to eat them like that!" "How does it taste?" After another savored swig of ginger ale, "You gotta try it. It really enhances the flavor. It's really good! Just don't eat too many." Second Ingredient: Salt Convening of the abysmal droning on. They all take one and pop them into their mouths a bit apprehensively. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.....CRUNCH......CRUNCH.....crunch? crunch? .....crunch? Sipping ginger ale smugly while thinking, "Oops! Forgot to mention: what ever you do, don't inhale or exhale even the slightest bit while chewing the shells. If you inhale, the dust from the shells will get drawn into your lungs. And if you exhale, even the tiniest bit, the dust will be blown into the deepest part of your sinuses." Third Ingredient: Oleoresin Capsicum. Tobasco Brand Pepper Sauce Finally the fun commences! Mah Bad! Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde |
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It's nice to meet a fellow weirdo. I've eaten a shell or two in my lifetime. It's where all the salt is, duh! Funny thing is I'm not wild about salt in my food, but occasionally I'll crave a bit of salt and what better place to get it than the nuts at a steak house? Yum. Ever tried boiled peanuts? I had to try them but I wasn't wild about those. Give me roasted every time.
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lmao...now I'm off to jazz up my meeting tomorrow...
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11/15/2007 11:05 pm |
i wonder if i could get away with that in class at night...
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Ooo...good idea. We've had the board president threaten to quit at the last three board meetings. That trick might actually get him to follow through. Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.
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Every try boiled peanuts? A whole different world... Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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Spinner, I have an idea.... Take a valium/percocet/glass of two of Merlot.... ........or all three before one of these meetings. That, my friend, would ease your suffering. DIV "My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur
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I've had them Tabasconized Peanuts before - shelled, of course. Quite delightful. Been to them meetings, too. I gave them up many years ago; rather they gave me up. Seemed, to me, they were non-productive and, as you say... boring. Afternoon meetings are the worst - if you fall asleep, and you will, they won't throw you out... they just make sure whatever you might say (upon waking) gets pooh-poohed (by all.) As I have a tendency to fall asleep anywhere, at any time... in order to save myself from the wrath of the meeter-peeps, I figured out a way to make sure I had no future meetings looming on my agenda. One afternoon meeting, which had been scheduled for a couple of weeks, I made sure I chowed-down on a big ol' dinner (the night before) of refried beans and heavy-duty salsa. I repeated this dietary delight immediately preceding lunch on the day of the meet. Needless to say, the results were offensive (olfactorily, as well as audibly) and I was asked to take my "stinking" ass out of the room. The next meet came along, and I was asked if I could refrain from disrupting the meeting with odorized NAT GAS releases. I casually mentioned that, as they might not be aware, I had recently acknowledged my being an Hispanic-Catholic and that my diet beyond that of beans was rather limited (fish on Fridays, excepted), so I would not be in any position to guarantee any such restraint. I found myself excused from the meet... and from all future meets. BTW: Did I mention... I don't embarrass easily? As they say... 'Ass-Gas; it's everywhere they really don't wanna be.' Solar...
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11/19/2007 12:15 pm |
...NOW I know where the sage gets his stuff from... Wore me boots today J... shitferbrainz
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Of course ... How can I think of this post after you mentioned corrupted_mouse in a potential uniform. *wistful sigh* / / This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine. RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me
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11/21/2007 1:02 pm |
..ye asking??? shitferbrainz
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. "Oleoresin Capsicum- Nature's Tear Gas" What's next? Any plans for coming out with a line of Chipotle feminine hygiene &/or enema products..? Smokin'!!! . . Been a while since they last let me out into polite society. Resurfacing, catching a breath, & catching up. And while I got my Broad-Brimmed Pimping Hat on, could I cajole all of y'all to Comment on, Alone In A Cloud? It's probably the best thing that I've written! Lately... .
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