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Life After Divorce at 41
Life After Divorce at 41 Well, it's final. I am officially single...yay for me. It's not that I am not happy to have the jerk out of my life, I am, but this brings forth a whole new range of uncertainties and dilemmas. How do you date? How do you know when to go to that next level? How do you tell someone that you care about them so much that it scares the living hell out of you, and you don't know what to do next. You don't know how they are feeling, ok...maybe a little, but you are too scared to tell them how you really feel because your scarred heart just couldn't take the rejection, and now, because you haven't said anything, you are afraid you might loose the single most wonderful person who has ever come into your life, and eventhough you are supposed to be older and wiser, you are petrified and feel like a high schooler in love all over again? Wasn't it supposed to be easier and make sense the older you get? Aren't you supposed to know what you want and go for it?? After 16yrs and a divorce, aren't you supposed to be strong, and able to take rejection as a postitive thing because you have been thru so much worse? I guess I am comfy in my own skin, and no, I certainly don't NEED a relationship, but WANTING one with someone who is just such an incredible human being, not just the physical part, but the whole hanging out, having fun and being there part that makes it so totally awesome is something I didn't think I would have to address, especially not this soon. Can you be blindsided by something so wonderful? How do you know if it's meant to be? This whole new scene is scarey for me. I thought it would be fun to be footloose and fancy free, but it is terrifing! Not the being alone, that I can handle, but the fear of hey, did I just meet someone who is my ying to my yang, who is my, and I know this sounds so cliche, but my soul-mate, in a way that we can be together without any sound and be happy and content because we are together? And then comes the reality....what if you, this really isn't what he wants?? What if he sees a whole horizon out there, just waiting to be explored,and although you are a part that he found and explored and has an enduring, lasting relationship with, there is more to see, more to explore...and you will just have to be patient? But what if the grass is greener for him elsewhere? Ok...I am just spilling out my guts, my fears, my feelings. I guess there is Life after divorce, even if you are 41 and everyone lied to you, it never gets easier, only becomes more of an adventure! Peace everyone!! |
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