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It is ALL about the HOT sex!
It is ALL about the HOT sex! It really is ALL about the sex. Good sex…really indicates no connection…good friendship…really indicates no connection…..good sex AND good friendship…seemed like the place to go….but for me…It just highlights the lonely Sunday mornings. I guess it comes back to being a warrior and growing all the time. Acting not reacting. I need to act, not wait any longer. I still want to be distracting enough to require some loyalty…I want my devotion…scratch that…MY loyalty, that part of me that wants to please…to be honored. And when it is all about the sex…there is so little room. I know how self centered I sound…but ..I just have no control (well until we get those shock collars) over the rest of ya’ll. All I can do is change/modify/contemplate ME. And it is time, time to stop chasing Sunday mornings (a metaphor and symbol, for what I am looking for). I am afraid the rest of my life could be chasing Sunday’s…and that just doesn’t seem healthy and fun. Seems kinda’ tragic. I would really rather not be tragic. Maybe sexy, friendly, witty, interested and interesting…now those seem like characteristics I want to foster. NOT tragic. Sunday mornings, to me. Are about that wonderful Saturday that ended in the, through the house romp of play and sensuality. Waking in the morning continue the play, eating, coffee, shower and playing more. Feeling and sliding over someone else’s body. But it really is ALL about the sex. At least here. And my profile is pulled. I will continue to foster the social, and I am sure sexual, part of my experiences on A F F. But finding friendship/partners here. No more. Burned a few times already. I am pretty sure I burned myself, no one else’s fault. It just. ..well what idiot keeps touching the flaming<b> red hot </font></b>burner- time after time, after time, after time. So time to lower the burner and put on some oven mitts. Start to recognize the heat BEFORE it burns me. Then maybe I can use the stove again. This warrior needs to change her plan of attack, reassess the mission. Goodness I didn’t even know such amazing sex existed. That physically I could be so satisfied, I just wish it didn’t involve so much sleeping the night alone. That’s how I know, I know I am on the wrong path here. I need to stop chasing Sunday mornings, that is acting that does not suite my tender little heart. |
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2/22/2006 5:50 pm |
I feel your pain. Sex is great, but the human being needs that deep emotional connection. It's scientific, so I don't even try to understand. Then again, I have ADD. So you mentioned something about riding bikes? Good luck to you in all of your endeavors. I hope you find what you're looking for. Now lets go get that ice cream! Talk to you later!
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COL - thanks for your perspective...I so enjoyed it...I did mean shock collars for the ENTIRE world...no need to discriminate against anyone. <and of course the whole concept is meant to be sarcastic> BF ‒ Thank you for your encouragement, and affirming so much of what seems right about looking and having angst over it…. No one said this battle would be easy. UR ‒ Oh I am going nowhere. I plan…for now to continue attending regular gatherings, dancing and socializing, events. And blogging, albeit infrequently.
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2/6/2006 9:50 pm |
Let me add that I can't type worth a shit tonight! Excuse the grammatical/typo errors. But you get the idea, I hope...
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2/6/2006 9:45 pm |
I can’t speak for anyone but myself when I say I’m still learning. Life seems to be one big paradox after another, especially when it comes intimate relationships. Every time I think I know what I want, I seek it, and often I find it what I sought. When I do, it turns out that it wasn’t what I wanted after all. I get up, dust myself off, and go back in the ring, only to be knocked down again, to get up again for another swong. It’s the boxing match we call life. Shock collars or not, we can choose to live it or withdraw. I’ve done both. I do both. This site and the men and women on it are not the “problem.” It’s a fascinating place, to say the least. You wouldn’t be here, profile pulled or not, if there wasn’t something on here you seek to help guide along your path to take the next step. I have no idea what I want when it comes to relationships. At this point, I don’t even care. All I know is that every morning I wake up, I’ve delayed the inevitable transition to the next form one more day. But one day, I won’t wake up. That won’t be long from now in cosmic terms. What will I do today? Lots of the same things I did yesterday, probably. Unless I get a little wisdom, which seems to come ever so slowly. Some day I may get and inkling, a clue, a smidgen of a glimpse into clarity regarding what and intimate relationship with a woman will look like. But I doubt it. All I have is this moment. Poof! It’s gone… Here comes another one. Poof! It’s gone.. “Beyond all concepts of right and wrong doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi Love & Light
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