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The Official 237 Reasons Why We Have Sex
The Official 237 Reasons Why We Have Sex New research published in the August issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior has come up with a list of 237 reasons that motivate people to have sex. Here are the top ten along with some commentary: 1. I was "in the heat of the moment." (Ah, yes...some of the best sex comes from such moments.) 2. It just happened. (Just happened? A car accident just happens. How do you just happen to engage someone in sex?) 3. I was bored. (How romantic. "Honey, I'm so bored, I'm just about to have sex with you.") 4. It just seemed like "the thing to do." (That excuse never works in divorce court.) 5. Someone dared me. (Must be how Britney Spears and K-Fed hooked up.) 6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy). ('Nuff said.) 7. I wanted to feel closer to God. (But what if you're an atheist?) 8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends. (So why not just dress like them instead of screwing them?) 9. It's exciting, adventurous. ('Nuff said.) 10. I wanted to make up after a fight. (Not a good idea when the fight is with the boss.) Some of the rest are, to say the least, interesting: 11. I wanted to get rid of aggression. (Maybe Bush and Saddam Hussein should've had some hot manlove...would have saved thousands of lives.) 17. I felt like I owed it to the person. (A new twist on bartering.) 23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her. (But that doesn't even work for Michael Jackson.) 30. I was married and you're supposed to. (That's one lucky spouse. Was that a line item in the prenuptial?) 31. I was tired of being a virgin. (I've used that as a pickup line. Hasn't worked yet.) 35. Everyone else was having sex. (See above comment.) 38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was "committed." (Imagine if they did that instead of making you sign something. Would make buying a house an interesting experience.) 45. I wanted to display submission. (So does that mean that if my cat or rolls over...) 49. I wanted to end the relationship. (?????) 57. It would get me gifts. (But if you didn't like it, how would you exchange it?) 60. The person was "available." (Hasn't worked for me!) 66. I wanted to "possess" the person. (An idea never used for a sequel to "The Exorcist.) 76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me. (So that's why the used car salesman was humping my leg.) 79. I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself. (Sounds like sex for charity. Is that a tax deduction? IRS Form 6969.) 98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her. (That sounds like a felony.) 100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g., on marijuana or some other drug). (The problem with that is you don't remember anything afterwards.) 102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced. (Works for Ron Jeremy.) 111. I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else. (Now there's a trusting relationship.) 131. It seemed like good exercise. (Then why isn't porn in the video store's exercise section?) 139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem. (Costs less than an hour of professional therapy.) 146. I wanted to enhance my reputation. (Ain't working for Britney Spears.) 151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm. (That's what batteries are for.) 160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation. (WTF?) 167. I wanted to get a favor from someone. ("The Godfather" movies in bizzaro-world.) 170. I wanted to breakup another's relationship. (And that's how they ended up on Springer.) 178. I wanted to hurt an enemy. (Gives a literal meaning to Make Love, Not War.) 180. It is my genetic imperative. (Charles Darwin's pickup line.) 181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization. (Where do I sign up?!) 188. I wanted to welcome someone home. ("Aunt Betsy! It's so good to see you again." 198. I thought it would boost my social status. (Didn't work for Pauly Shore.) 199. The person had a lot of money. (The only way Donald Trump gets any tail.) 200. The person's physical appearance turned me on. (This is number 200?!) 201. The person was a good dancer. (A curse for us white guys.) 218. I had not had sex in a long time. (That reason works for me...like...never.) 221. I saw the person naked and could not resist. (Dick Cheney's secret.) 226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of him/her. (This is number 226?!) 231. I wanted to reproduce. (How romantic.) ....and at the bottom of the list: 237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful. (Maybe Laura Bush should fuck her hubby more often.) |
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