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The Pain of Parenthood
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For me, this is the perfect place to vent my frustrations also, so no need to apologize. I have a son that's also digging a hole for himself that's getting deeper every day. On one hand, I know I've done everything I can to help him (including bringing him up with what I feel were good values), but on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if I didn't give him something he needed. Why is he doing these things? He's intelligent, and he knows better. Doesn't he see the damage he's doing? It's caused me many a sleepless night...
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I don't believe it is fair to judge our value as a parent based upon the success or failure of our children. Rather, we should judge our value as a parent upon the love and comfort that our children find in us. We can guide, teach, discipline, lecture and advise until we are too old to remember the point of the lesson. But ... as you said, our children will do as they please, and they should. The best lessons learned are ones taught through trial and self awareness. Find peace in yourself that your son knows he is loved and despite whether or not he is living as you hope he will, he comes to you for comfort and guidance. That alone says that you are a good parent. I hope you and your family find the rope to hold it together until the storm passes. I have found that families that are challenged the most or the hardest, are often the ones who find the strongest ropes to bind with.
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All you can do is hope he learns from his mistakes. One of the hardest lessons for a parent to teach is consequences of action. That usually is because it hurts us too. This place is the best place to vent if your anonymous. P.S. Wickedeasy has a son who has spent years in jail. She understands the pain of parenting...you might check her out. Its good to have a support network.
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Been there... still there. Email me sometime if you'd like.
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For me, this is the perfect place to vent my frustrations also, so no need to apologize. I have a son that's also digging a hole for himself that's getting deeper every day. On one hand, I know I've done everything I can to help him (including bringing him up with what I feel were good values), but on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if I didn't give him something he needed. Why is he doing these things? He's intelligent, and he knows better. Doesn't he see the damage he's doing? It's caused me many a sleepless night... Thanks for your comment, I'm having all the same thoughts...
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I'm lucky in that my relationship with my ex is tolerable. We have been working together trying to deal with our situation.
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I don't believe it is fair to judge our value as a parent based upon the success or failure of our children. Rather, we should judge our value as a parent upon the love and comfort that our children find in us. We can guide, teach, discipline, lecture and advise until we are too old to remember the point of the lesson. But ... as you said, our children will do as they please, and they should. The best lessons learned are ones taught through trial and self awareness. Find peace in yourself that your son knows he is loved and despite whether or not he is living as you hope he will, he comes to you for comfort and guidance. That alone says that you are a good parent. I hope you and your family find the rope to hold it together until the storm passes. I have found that families that are challenged the most or the hardest, are often the ones who find the strongest ropes to bind with. Thanks for your comments.
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All you can do is hope he learns from his mistakes. One of the hardest lessons for a parent to teach is consequences of action. That usually is because it hurts us too. This place is the best place to vent if your anonymous. P.S. Wickedeasy has a son who has spent years in jail. She understands the pain of parenting...you might check her out. Its good to have a support network.
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Been there... still there. Email me sometime if you'd like.
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Thanks, I know everything you've written is true.
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Thanks. I know in my head that you are right.
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hi i feel your pain. there's nothing like being a parent and seeing it happen and not being able to do anything to stop it. and yet in some terrible wretched way this bearing witness is part of what we do. and part of what we give to them....along with the love. my son is doing time. he had more than one chance to stop being an idiot before it ended in jail. but it seems no matter what i said or did, he just couldn't hear me. those were awful times. to say that his being in prison has been a good thing is harsh. he has seen some things no one should have to see and i wish he hadn't seen them. he has changed from a young punk with a chip on his shoulder to a man....he can show love now. that's huge for him. his eyes are bright and his body is back to being his body. he'll be thirty when he gets out. he'll have missed 4 years of his life. he told me he owuld be dead if he hadn't been arrested. i believe him. so, some lessons come with a huge price. i visit every week. i write letters and send him books. i love him. that's what you will do too. you will love him. and when the wrost happens...you'll love him harder. and you'll cry a lot. and if you ever need to talk, let me know. it's hell. but it ends. at least i hope it does. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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My heart goes out to you and your family, passerby. I hope that regardless of your son's situation, that you can find peace in knowing that you have been a good parent... it's evident in the concern for him you express. Peace~n~Love~n~Hugs~n~Kisses...Lys
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12/26/2011 6:15 am |
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. We will never get it completely right. Sometimes we just have to be there, waiting in the wings, with our unconditional love. A very true saying is this ... "A parent is only ever as happy as their unhappiest child." Hugs and blessings to you and your family xxx [group No Plucked Chickens !!!]
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