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Communication and Trust
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i remember a time when i thought difficult meant interesting. i no longer beleive that it does. when you dare to be yourself in front of someone, moles and all, you are offering them a huge gift. you are also laying yourself open to the ultimate rejection. we all have that niggly voice inside, they'll never like me if they knew the real me. if they knew my this or that, my insecurity, my darkest fear, my nasty midnight thoughts. thing is, we all have those things. and we all hide them because we all think no one will like us if they knew them. now, i'm a firm believer in honesty but on a first date do you tell someone you pick your nose, not so much. that can wait until later and comes under icky haabits that love endures. but beign open is is a learned behaviour. once you've been hurt, you have to re-learn it. all the things a past love threw at you as parting darts stung and it's hard to jsut forget and say, oh well, i'll just fly in the face of that knowledge and show it all tothe world. but the other side is, do you want to be loved for something you aren't. a fraud if you will. a make believe person you designed for that person to like. i've done that. it's exhausting. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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This one made chuckle ruefully. I have a reputation for being rather open and honest - and yet, I am aware that I am so in an effort to keep other's at (an emotional) arm's length.
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That is definitely one of the best things about blogland.......and is what keeps me coming back here - the open, honest, non-judgemental people.
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Thank you for reposting this thought provoking post, passerby. I can relate to it as well as everyone's comments, especially onepeachylady. Like her, I have an emotional need (and strong physical desire) to be intimate, but there has been no one emotionally available for me, so I've enjoyed some sexual encounters where I've had physical fulfillment, but emotional intimacy is not there. While I do hold onto some hope of one day connecting with someone on an emotionally intimate level, it wouldn't surprise me if it doesn't happen. And if it does, I would be totally swept away. Peace~n~Love~n~Hugs~n~Kisses...Lys
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I agree with Purple! I have trouble being as open and honest in the real world as I am here. Especially in the blogs. When I am away for any length of time ... I feel trapped, stifled ... I come back for a day, a month, or a year and suddenly I feel whole again. Sharing my thoughts and myself was the hardest thing I ever did. I still hesitate doing so and hide behind erotic stories and such instead.
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i remember a time when i thought difficult meant interesting. i no longer beleive that it does. when you dare to be yourself in front of someone, moles and all, you are offering them a huge gift. you are also laying yourself open to the ultimate rejection. we all have that niggly voice inside, they'll never like me if they knew the real me. if they knew my this or that, my insecurity, my darkest fear, my nasty midnight thoughts. thing is, we all have those things. and we all hide them because we all think no one will like us if they knew them. now, i'm a firm believer in honesty but on a first date do you tell someone you pick your nose, not so much. that can wait until later and comes under icky haabits that love endures. but beign open is is a learned behaviour. once you've been hurt, you have to re-learn it. all the things a past love threw at you as parting darts stung and it's hard to jsut forget and say, oh well, i'll just fly in the face of that knowledge and show it all tothe world. but the other side is, do you want to be loved for something you aren't. a fraud if you will. a make believe person you designed for that person to like. i've done that. it's exhausting. I've never understood the idea of misrepresenting who you are, especially if you are looking for a lasting relationship. Eventually, your lies will be discovered. I'd rather scare someone away with an accurate self appraisal, than have them tell me I tried to decieve them.
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Most people want to be open and honest, but there is that fear of ridicule or condemnation. It's a difficult process, deciding who to trust and how much to trust them.
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I could have written that myself. Although, I was fortunate that I did have a marriage where I was able to open up and be myself.
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This one made chuckle ruefully. I have a reputation for being rather open and honest - and yet, I am aware that I am so in an effort to keep other's at (an emotional) arm's length.
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I go back and forth. I know I want a "real" relationship, one that goes beyond physical intimacy. But, there are times when I crave a physical connection, which may not come with the emotional connection. I'm not sure how I feel about the "soul mate" concept. I think I've given up on that. I'm more about finding someone "good enough", as horrible as that sounds.
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That is definitely one of the best things about blogland.......and is what keeps me coming back here - the open, honest, non-judgemental people.
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Thank you for reposting this thought provoking post, passerby. I can relate to it as well as everyone's comments, especially onepeachylady. Like her, I have an emotional need (and strong physical desire) to be intimate, but there has been no one emotionally available for me, so I've enjoyed some sexual encounters where I've had physical fulfillment, but emotional intimacy is not there. While I do hold onto some hope of one day connecting with someone on an emotionally intimate level, it wouldn't surprise me if it doesn't happen. And if it does, I would be totally swept away. I don't know how well I would be able to keep the emotional out of a physical relationship. I get stuck in the idea that if I don't want to spend time outside the bedroom with this person, is it fair to spend time in the bedroom with them? Again, I waver on this, there are times when I am willing to sacrifice the emotional for the physical, but the opportunity isn't there, then, when the opportunity is there, I have a hard time getting past the need for a deeper, more emotional connection. In the words of Vinnie Barbarino "I'm so confused".
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I agree with Purple! I have trouble being as open and honest in the real world as I am here. Especially in the blogs. When I am away for any length of time ... I feel trapped, stifled ... I come back for a day, a month, or a year and suddenly I feel whole again. Sharing my thoughts and myself was the hardest thing I ever did. I still hesitate doing so and hide behind erotic stories and such instead.
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